Monday, December 5, 2016

Shoot Me! I Dare You!

I looked out the window and saw the above sight. I thought, free meat, free meat, free meat, so I ran yelling for Bill.

"Bill, hurry get your gun, there is a doe in the front yard! Quick, hurry before she runs!"

I knew hunting season was open because of all the men in Wal-Mart were wearing their hunting camouflaged coats. This time I would be able to fill my freezer with steaks, roasts, hamburger...all for free! Free!  Free! Did he hurry? No. Did he rush? No. Did he get his gun? Of course not. He grabbed my camera and went outside on the front porch.

She turned, looked at Bill and froze. Still, as a statue, she eyed him. She recognized him. She has seen him often. He is the human that rides the noisy monster that cuts the grass and smells of gasoline fumes. What would he do?

He moved closer. She did not move but her mind was racing. My young twin bucks are hidden behind the oak tree eating acorns. Will they be safe? Will he see them? What will he do? Don't move, don't move, don't move. 

She has seen him ever since she was born on this land. Her mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother were all born here. They knew their young ones would be safe so each one would return in the Spring. Together, they would laugh about how he would jog around in circles getting thinner, working up a sweat but going nowhere. How strange. Then that noisy dog appeared (the one who barks then runs and hides when we snort). The human put a rope around his neck and taught him how to walk without pulling back. Now they walk together down the road. Even stranger.

Will I be safe? Lately, he has begun going out on the back deck all during the night shining the flashlight on his garden. He has even shot a detestable armadillo.  Good riddance. They dig holes everywhere causing me to stumble and hurt my legs. He has even shone the bright light in my eyes at night on a few occasions.

No. He won't hurt me. I will stand here broadside, taunting him to shoot me with his camera. Thank goodness I brushed my fur this morning and put on make-up. My picture might end up on someone's blog!


  1. I'm roaring with laughter. Especially the part about the makeup. Makeup is so me. I won't be seen in public without it, blog or no blog. It's deer hunting season here too but it's against the law to take any doe's. They know they're safe. I'm awakened each morning by the sound of rifle fire. For some here there are only two seasons, deer hunting season and getting ready for deer hunting season. Me, I like winter, spring, summer and fall. Maybe you could petition the powers that be to have an armadillo hunting season and rid the state of them -- just saying. Dorothy

    1. You made my morning! Yes, I could go with an armadillo hunting season. I would even offer a bounty to anyone who would get the one in my backyard.
      Bill is a hunter but he does not shoot the does on our property. They are a pleasure to watch and draw in the big bucks.

  2. What a lovely sight. Yes, keep her and get rid of the armadillos. :)

  3. Reminds me of the wildlife when I lived in PA. It was against the law to shoot anything within 50 feet of a building, so we had turkeys, deer, you name it, adhered to our house during hunting season. Made for some nerve wracking mornings waiting for the bus and staring down a fourteen point buck one season. He finally wandered into shooting territory. When I saw them loading him onto a truck I cheered, realizing I didn't need to fear for my life every morning. The Hunter was thrilled to ;).

  4. Bill would have a heart attack if he looked out the window and saw a fourteen point buck! Not me. I want the meat in my freezer.
    I can understand why your were nervous with the buck staring at you. They are really BIG animals and you don't realize it until you are close.